Uncle Sam Wants You!
by Queen Boadicea
Summary: Buffy needs an army to fight the First. Who ya gonna call?


Title: Uncle Sam Wants You!

Author: Queen Boadicea

Email: queenboadiceaoftheiceni@yahoo.com

Spoiler Warning: BtVS season seven episode "The Killer in Me"

Disclaimer: This belongs to the great and powerful Joss and the usual gang of idi…uh, geniuses

Feedback: Do your worst—it can't compare to my worst ;)

[thoughts]

"Agent Finn said it was your call, ma'am. All decisions regarding Hostile 17 are to be left in your hands. This chip...we can either repair it...or remove it. You have carte blanche."

"Carte blanche? That means you'll do whatever I want, right?"

The man gave her a look of mild reproof. "Within reason."

"Oh sure, of course." Buffy looked around for a moment. To tell the truth, she felt a little restless. She had the vague feeling of time being wasted. Well, technically, she was doing something important—saving Spike. And, ho boy, did he need a lot of saving these days. First, being taken out of the high school basement where he'd been suffering a bad case of the heebie jeebies. Then she had to put him up in Xander's apartment and, after that, her own house. (And didn't Dawn give her flack about that. Not that she could blame her. It couldn't be easy for the teenager having her sister's attempted rapist under the same roof.)

Then she had to rescue him after she'd barely survived fighting the Ubervamp. Now his chip was breaking down like a Taiwanese toaster and it was up to good, old forgiving Buffy to make things right. She couldn't help a brief flare of resentment as she gazed at his supine form. [I'm in the middle of the battle of my life here! I have a house full of Slayer-wannabes and a major war brewing with The First. I should be patrolling or training my army not…]

Her thoughts came careening to a halt as her eyes widened in sudden clarity. An army. She needed an army.

The soldier watching her was starting to experience a certain impatience of his own. He had been given the bare background details regarding the Hellmouth and the fiasco that was the Adam project. Some of the men with him had been part of the original Initiative team and they had no fond memories regarding this place. A few had complained when they realized the objective of their present mission was to help a demon that'd been captured and subsequently escaped. He wanted nothing more than to complete his mission and be on his way. 

"Ma'am? What's your decision regarding Hostile 17?"

"Huh?" She blinked and looked up and he was about to repeat the question when she began speaking again. "Do you guys know the sitch here in Sunnydale?"

"The 'sitch?' You mean that it's an area of non-human hostile activity known as the Hellmouth?"

"Yeah, that's it. How much of that you do get? I mean, you do know these aren't just human genetic defects we've got roaming our fair streets at night?"

He glanced at the pale-haired vampire laid out on the couch. The headaches had increased to the point where he'd had to be drugged into insensibility to escape the pain. "Yes, I believe everyone here is fully cognizant with the actuality of the circumstances."

"That's great. Because things have kinda taken a turn for the worse since you guys were here last. We're up against the First Evil. It's _the_ evil, the one that's been around since time began. This thing is to Adam what Hitler is to Al Bundy."

The slightest smile crossed his face. "You mean Ted Bundy."

"Whatever. This is mundo evil and I need an army to fight it. And since you guys are here and Ri-Agent Finn said I've got carte blanche, then what I want is you guys."

"Us?" He raised an eyebrow and glanced at the men behind him. At the mention of a battle, a real fight to be had, many of them had tensed in anticipation. Looks of eagerness and barely audible excited murmurs ran through the ranks. "I'm not certain this is what Agent Finn had in mind."

"But he said you had to help me and, guys, I could really use the help! This is evil that goes all the way back to the ancient past. I've got a house full of girls who need training—and you wouldn't believe the traffic jam in the bathroom in the mornings—a recovering witch, demons who keep breaking into the house, bills to be paid, a horde of hungry mouths to feed, a job to hold down, patrolling, a teenage sister to put through high school and all of this on minimum wage. I'm in desperate need of soldiery muscle here! Can't you guys do anything?"

The soldier gave her a long, measured stare before nodding slowly. "Ma'am, it looks like you've got yourself an army."

Buffy grinned and just barely restrained herself from flinging her arms around him. "Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me!" She looked around at the other men uncertainly. "So what happens now?"

"You mentioned a house containing people in need of military training. We can provide the training. As to accommodations, you can do no better than this place. Officially, the government closed down the Adam project. But we can easily clean up the facilities down here and make it habitable for civilians. We can make it defensible against demon attack as well. We're at your disposal, ma'am."

"That's—" She swallowed hard and struggled to get her emotions under control. It seemed as if all of her problems were going to be solved in one fell swoop. Then an ugly thought reared its head. "Wait a minute. How do I know this isn't some covert government plot to get all the Slayers under one roof so you guys can do some freaky mind control deal?"

"Somebody's been watching too many reruns of The X-Files," one of the attending soldiers muttered to general chuckles in the background.

"As I said, we're well aware of the situation here on the Hellmouth, including the recent suspicious influx of unaccompanied adolescent civilians from around the world. Since this isn't what anybody would consider a tourist spot, you've all been under surveillance for quite some time now. How do you think we answered your call so quickly?"

Buffy gulped as she considered the implications behind this statement. "Oookay. I get it. Big Brother is watching. How soon can we move in?"

"Give us a day to get things in shape here. You can move in any time after that."

She flashed him a grateful smile and hurried towards the exit. Wait until the gang heard about this!

"Oh, ma'am?"

She looked back at him. "What?"

He gestured at Spike. "What do you want us to do with him?"

Buffy flipped a hand at Spike. "What do I need him for? I've got an army!" As the men moved forward to remove Spike from the table, she held up one hand. "You know, the last time Agent Finn was here, he was given orders to take out the Doctor. So you guys can just…" She made a jabbing gesture towards her own chest and watched as one of the grunts brought out a stake and neatly dispatched the blonde vamp.

The leader moved to accompany Buffy to the exit. "What news do you want us to give Agent Finn?"

"About Hostile 17? Tell Riley he can consider it payment for the loan of you guys." She climbed out of the access panel and began running towards home. For the first time since she'd realized what she was up against, she felt confidence that they were going to beat this thing. 

[It's almost dinner time. I wonder how Dawn would feel about Mexican…]

Finis


End file.
